God and I are close, He tells me things, things that are true and never weird.  Sometimes hard to fathom but He always wants me to understand...not in the way humans go ahead and nod and say "Sure sure I got it" but they don't, He doesn't want that.  We don't want that when we're being listened to...so He makes himself very clear and loves you so that you get Him.

Uni Verse

Your hand brushes my face,

and your arms draw me close.

You trace my name in the sand,

and read it to me.

This is where it stays.

This is where you make your promise.

These are memories yet to be made

Buried deep in a mind

That will one day know yours."

When I wrote Uni Verse I was being sentimental.  I'm emo, yes, friends know, without the bratty side.  Baduy in other words, but always sincere.  I thought about the title very carefully.  I wanted it to mean something.

Simply put, in Uni Verse, almost a year ago, I was writing about something I didn't have, but wanted, it was on the shores of Aliguay Island that the wind somewhat whispered inspiration, when I was writing my name in the sand, I knew someday someone would write it for me, I can take that as literally or metaphorically, only God knows.  The word Uni is taken from the latin which means "one"... and naturally, verse follows.  I wrote one verse about one moment, that has not happened yet.

I split the word Universe but at the same time the meaning of it as a single word still plays its part in the title.  Isn't it true that when one loves (that speaks for all kinds of love) one feels as big as the universe, nothing feels bigger than the moment you remember or realize it.  In one stansa I was talking about the feeling...then in a flash, today, God came to me with its meaning, or the relevance rather of my Uni Verse.

Isn't it true?  All it took was 1 verse... Genesis one : one, 1:1 a Uni Verse, and a universe came to be... so that's the way God would like me to understand the word Universe.

"Child, you write 1 verse for that which has not happened, but you found Me out.  In the beginning I spoke and said 'Let there be light...'  In one verse, My universe was made...so you could be in it.  For now, let Me be the mind that knows yours tenderly...knows your pet peeves, the small things people unknowingly do that hurt you big and hurt Me as well, I also know the things that you still do sometimes that hurt others.  I know your dreams, what makes your heart pound, what overwhelms you, what can bring on your most beautiful smile, and the adventures you secretly plan that you think might be too wonderful or out-of-the-box to carry out.  I know how you want people to believe you when you say I'm real and I love when you tell them that they can express that they are angry at Me, people haven't gotten that for the longest time. I'd rather they be honest with me if they believe it is I Who have let them down.  Even if some find it weird, or are maybe afraid to hope that I'm just here waiting, keep telling them the truth and I'll be with you whenever you do..."

I am not ashamed.  I may be strange, but at least I'm me.  I love You, God.  I know nothing about my future except this, You will be with me in it.  Because of that I am not afraid and hope never runs out...

This is for where I am in my life right now, a familiar song guides me through and reminds me of how good He has been to me recently.  This song was with me at the one of the lowest points in my life a few years ago.  Ever been so low that you just wanted to end it?  I've been there and no one should ever walk that tight rope.  Sadly, some of us have in desperation.  This song has stayed with me ever since.  Better Than I is the song about Joseph, after having been sold by his brothers into slavery and being falsely accused of attempted rape, he finds himself in prison waiting...and praying...

Matt Harding I believe set a very good example when he made this video. 

"Behold how good and how pleasant it is, for brethren to dwell together, in unity." Psalm 133:1 One person asks the world to dance with him, and we do.  One may start setting the example alone...but eventually...you'll see what happens, when you start something :) Yup kasama Pilipinas :)


Where the Hell is Matt? (2008) from Matthew Harding on Vimeo.

One day, guys, one day, just wait and see... :)  Coldplay for Ipod. Gwapo ni Christopher Anthony John Martin, ye, mahaba pareho pangalan namin! Gwyneth is so blessed...

One of my fave not so new songs :) Lots of diff familiar voices towards the end...watch it :) Our current dep head used to work on Hanna Barbera cartoons and it reminded me of him hehe.  They're saved alright! I saved their pics in my laptop hihi.  Indeed what if cartoons got saved...



here's the recorded version with more audible cartoon voices :) I like the recorded version, the video lang of the live was cuter.

I have girlfriends whom I've counseled in the past on relationships...probs with...diff things, but particularly issues on timidity or katorpehan.  My best friend Alma and I have had good long distance talks (she's in Denmark)about this.  We agreed on the saying "Pag mahal mo laging may paraan, pag hindi maraming dahilan."  Before I was shy to talk about but now I think why not?  Hehe, it seems to be everyone's fave topic, relationships.  I can speak very plainly about this because everyone knows I believe it anyway when they ask.  Others ask how do they help the guy cope or convince him etc...why convincing needed, are you as yourself not enough?  How taxing it must be to convince yourself and him that he wants you.  When I'm asked about that issue...of course I don't think it appropriate to go on and blog about it from this point with my own words, but I'd much rather simply use a video, one of my faves from when I was young to answer what I think a guy should be.  No matter what hinders him from getting to you, he just keeps coming.  If you guys are wondering "why is julia writing this?"  I happened to be surfing youtube and from old 90s toy commercials I suddenly saw a sleeping beauty clip that gave me something to write about.  I'd forgotten how wonderfully written the good and evil characters are in this animation feature film. 

Here's the part from the beginning that already got me interested in animation as a kid...i'd get mesmerized by the galaxy, whirl-like sequences per fairy blessing...that's early motion graphics!  Diba they look like the bagyos in the weather forecast? The video related to my write-up is the last one not this one...naaliw lang ako dito sa first...at natakot din sa bandang huli.  In  this first video, scrub forward nalang to 5:20 from there is the animation part I'm talking about.  I know the voice of Maleficent is the voice of the Stepmom in Cinderella and Flora's voice, the red fairy, is the voice of the fairy Godmother in Cinderella also.



Ok, ok, ok in case bitin kayo on what the counter spell of Merriweather was, heres the continuation, i'm not going to give you the whole movie! haha, that's bad.  Merriweather's so cute.  Sabi sa kanya "Just try your best..." continuation nun "kung hindi patay si Aurora" haha pressure!  Lam ko na yung secret ng gifts nila they rhyme hahaha!  Isipin niyo, grabe para kay merriweather kailangan mag rhyme yung gift niya, e sayang yung pinrepare niya diba?  nag rhyme siya impromptu para ma-save si Aurora, super pressure!  Kaya pala palpak yung kay Maleficent, hindi nag rhyme kaya di natupad haha!  



I give you this last scene from sleeping beauty which really is the point of this whole write up, and though it be from a movie, there are good men out there like my dad, uncles, and good guy friends who have shown me through the years that there are righteous men on this earth who can share with others about making the choice to be better. God's daughters, you ladies, deserve no less than a man this sure of what he wants.

I'm pretty spent, considering that from Thursday night to this very day (in fact I only have a few minutes for this) I've been working on two commercials simultaneously, both product freight scenes (the money shots).  To give you an idea, I worked the whole of thursday on the 1st one partially until 1am friday, then from 1am-6am the same day I worked on the second one which had a presentation set at 10am only to find that it was moved to 5pm which in turn made me growl, and race to the finish for the 1st commercial which had a presentation at 1pm.  I was like...sana naman I had worked straight for the 1st one if that's the case na hapon pa pala yung second.

I slept on my hand at a desk at 6am, and asked mom to help wake me by 830.  I woke up and my hand was dead it was cold, clammy and it couldn't feel a thing.  I squashed the veins apparently and circulation hit a bottleneck.  I shook it for the life of me...

Throughout all this, I was overwhelmed and beating myself up for being so...telling myself I would make it, if only my eternal Director believed in me.

The minute I woke up from that table, new strength was in me, I had just enough to continue preparing the second one with time to spare, but the first one for 1pm really pushed me to my limits.

Imagine that the director for your 1st commercial is coming for a pres and has to leave in an hour for an international flight so you can't be late in presenting.  I made it by a hair's breadth, of course with my art director, coordinator, and marketing person breathing down my neck as I desperately clattered over my keyboard trying to fix the scene (because it's their job talaga so no big deal).  I'm actually proud to be supervised by an art director who is not just a fine arts major but has a degree in physics, too, sometimes you think it's a pain when you're tired coz there's no cheating his eye but you realize what kind of edge you have with his expertise and his knowledge of how something in a scene should really look or react.  In the end, nakakabless.  "Jules render na, render na, ay ayusin mo ito..."  fatigue can sometimes make you feel like crying as opposed to if you had 8 hrs of sleep, well I didn't, but the stress crawled up my neck.  The whole time I thought "I render unto You...I render unto You.  I can do all things..."

I remembered a really cool lady in church sharing about faith and the power of God's spoken Word.  I thought to myself, He is the very First Director who knows exactly how everything will finish.  She said "In the dark God said 'Let there be light' and there was light.  Imagine mo if He looked at the darkness at sinabi niya 'Shucks ang dilim!' e di yari na tayo." hahaha! oo nga naman. "Lights, camera, action"...nothing happens until the Director says so.

The Secret is no secret, it is faith in Him not faith in one's self alone that makes things happen.

Pwes, I said "i'm going to make it," and I did, but not without help from my UGL team :)

If you chance upon this write up, please believe with me that my 2nd presentation this afternoon for both commercials (that's with revised material) goes well and receives favor.  Thanks :)

One of our oldest friends Ian has a message for mike vidad, who just tied the knot with paula ignacio.  Medyo nabitin kami sa reception nung di umabot yung message niya sa video, kaya here it is, with his permission to show to our CHA highschool barkada.  Kaya here is Ian Mariano almost live from Reno Nevada Hehe :)

No one can make himself pure by obeying laws. Jesus Christ does not give us rules and regulations— He gives us His teachings which are truths that can only be interpreted by His nature which He places within us. The great wonder of Jesus Christ’s salvation is that He changes our heredity. He does not change human nature— He changes its source, and thereby its motives as well."

*added a subtitle...that's all..

Hatid sa inyo ng Jabberwockyz masks, for your everyday effortless peke ngiti needs. 

I wrote this from 1-2am this morning at di pa siya final, you'll still see it change...i'm still flipping words around.  I meant to describe the feelings of those who have problems and just try to cope.  Sa mga walang problema, sorry nalang ha, di kayo makarelate…ayun may problema na kayo :P

No incident triggered this, a moment maybe, a moment of deep thought.  Walang major temptations or trials na bumubuga ngayon, salamat sa Kanya, may mga patambay-tambay pero mga bearables.  It’s just a literary culmination of the times I’ve had problems and it mentions the One who helped me live through them and deal with them for real and not just with the smiles we often try so desperately to put on.  Of course di ko naman sinasabi na pag may problema dapat hindi nakangiti.  We wear them in faith and there’s no sense in spreading gloom, pero minsan aminin natin, nakakapagod at pag talagang kapos na ng pagmamahal o lakas, nagiging peke.  I do write pinoy free verse from time to time, but English more often.   I didn’t plan to write this one formally hehehe, kaya baka walang meter or anything like that.  Sana kumonti mga pekeng ngiti natin.

 

Pambihirang Pekeng Ngiti (dalhin natin sa Hari)

Maaari bang pumikit para mawala ang tukso
At kasabay ng pagmulat hilumin sana ako
Bilangin ang pekeng ngiti
Bilis…
Isa, dalawa…
Tatlo o apat
Meron pa nga…
Napakahalaga…
Ipunin sana…
Kasya siguro, ilang araw pa…
Sa likod nila’y kinukubli
lahat ng di niyo pwedeng alamin
Balot na balot
Walang asin
Biro?
Walang biro
Bihira…
…pambihira!
Nakuha ko'ng mga ito ng napakamura
Para lang mapigilan ang pag-agos ng mga luha
Mga pambihirang pekeng ngiti
Punong puno ng pagsisisi
Ngunit sa likod nila'y nahahanap pa rin ako
Nakaluhod sa problemang nagpapasayad ng nguso
“Sa harap Ko lang dapat nakababa ang ulo
Anak, halatang-halata na peke ang ngiti mo.”
Yang si Lord, kala niyong napakapait minsan magbiro
Pero dahil sa Kanya ako’y hindi nabibigo
Sabi  “Anak, kapag ganyan, diba paulit-ulit nalang Ako
Mula loob palabas, pagmamahal Ko'y hindi susuko.”

Feel stuck or scared in a sad place somewhere?  This song and what it means should do the trick.  No video to watch, just a photo of the singer with the song.  Storm by Lifehouse.

This is from the site of the man who shared Christ with Tito Jeric and my parents...reverend Dwight Hill,  he was very loving to me when I was young and the content of his devotional site http://www.factsofthematter.org is simple but as sharp as a double edged sword every time...

WHEN GOD SEEMS DISTANT AND DISINTERESTED IN ME

There are those times in our lives when God seems so far away; almost as though He doesn’t care or isn’t listening.  I cry out to Him in the darkness and am greeted with deafening silence.  Coupled with His sense of absence are those periods when  the Scriptures seem so flat, and the Spirit so unavailable. 

Surely you have had those periods in your life, haven’t you?    Or am I alone here? 

Jesus faced a profound sense of God’s abandonment at Calvary when He cried out, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" (Matt. 27:46).  When the Lord Jesus uttered this chilling cry he was quoting from Psalm 22.   Psalm 22:1 adds this to His anguish, “Why are you so far from saving me, so far from the words of my groaning?” 

So just what are you to do in those times of spiritual crisis when you feel abandoned by God?  Psalm 22 gives us a number of clues:

·         Choose to praise, honor and revere God:  “You are enthroned as the Holy One; you are the praise of Israel...You who fear the Lord, praise Him...Honor Him…Revere Him…”  (Vss. 3, 23 - Selected)

Perhaps the ultimate test of our walk with God is how we respond to Him when the bottom falls out.  A close friend whose wife has suffered for decades with a painful illness, is now facing the agonizing reality of an adult child with cancer.  There has not been one word of doubt or complaint uttered from their lips.  Rather, these veterans of suffering portray poise, praise, and a deep sense of rest in God.  Clearly, they have learned through the tough school of life to trust and believe in God’s goodness, sovereignty and promises. 

·         Choose not to seek other “gods” as a substitute for what only the living God can provide: “Do not stay so far from me, for trouble is near, and no one else can help me.”  (Vs. 11 - NLT)

In today’s supermarket of ready made solutions, we seem to run first to every thing and every one except God.  There is nothing wrong with seeking out help, but should not our first and natural response be to fall on our face before God?  To hide ourselves away with Him in unrushed times of solitude and prayerful meditation upon His word as we listen for His voice?  Or are we seeking man-made “gods” for the quick and often trite answers to life’s perplexities and pain?  

·         Choose to remain steady in your previous commitment to God:  “Before those who fear you will I fulfill my vows.” (Vs. 25b)

In your pilgrimage, doubtless you have made certain commitments to Him.  Remain steady in them.  Learn to wait for God to move. On His timetable.  Don’t jump around,  running helter skelter for easy or quick solutions.  Learn to live life daily.  Even moment  by moment.  Accept the fact that much of life is pretty pedestrian, like taking out the garbage, dealing in a godly manner with the traffic. Disciplining and molding testy kids.  Graciously handling your back pain and difficult relatives.  Godliness is usually tested and developed in the crucible of the little noticed routines of daily life. "Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much…When you make a vow to God, do not delay in fulfilling it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow.”  (Luke 16:10; Ecc. 5:4)

Choose to believe that God is sovereign and that ultimately His purposes will prevail:  “The poor will eat and be satisfied; they who seek the Lord will praise him--may your hearts live forever! …For dominion belongs to the Lord and he rules over the nations. All the rich of the earth will feast and worship; all who go down to the dust will kneel before him-- those who cannot keep themselves alive. Posterity will serve him; future generations will be told about the Lord. They will proclaim his righteousness to a people yet unborn--for he has done it.”  (Vss. 26, 28-31)


R. Dwight Hill

I watched this, sent by my best friend alma, at first it looks like a normal Bible dance presentation, at first some might think think yeah yeah, who's the guy in a dress, so what...but towards the end, my heart gave way...and I had to stop my tears because I was at work plus puro guys dito hahaha!  Watch till the end...indeed...there is a battle for each one of us, He loves us that much...He will not stop until we are His, but our hearts  do the deciding, He does not force us. NAPAKATINDI NG ENDING!

'Here are not words of wild invective but blunt rebuke, words to wound but not to destroy, designed as a clarion call for God's people to return to long forsaken positions in order to gain the ground that has been so easily lost.' - Clive Calver foreword in Tozer's Leaning into the Wind  - The Way Ahead for the Church

Leaning Into the Wind.  It's a little book, a meek yellowed paperback of 93 pages in 6 chapters, but its relevance surpasses some giant reads I've picked up.  It stood unnoticed on our bookshelf for a long, long time till yesterday.  I had already read Tozer's Knowledge of the Holy.  At first I realized it was challenging because he hardly ever wrote in simple form, but his prolific insights cut me instantly and I found myself grateful for several much needed wounds from the time I started reading his work.

"Suppose some angelic being who since creation had known the deep, still rapture of dwelling in the divine Presence should appear on earth and live awhile among us Christians? Don't you imagine he might be astonished at what he saw?

He might, for instance,  wonder how we can be contented with our poor, commonplace level of spiritual experience..."

Other Christians might mistake Tozer for a cynic.  I believe he is kind of like a Spiritual journalist who understands events in the Christian realm as they are.  He has a rock hard faith in God tied to the clear knowledge of an impending spiritual onslaught.  He knew that something ought to change for the bad to become good.  He doesn't candy-coat his content but bluntly writes to righteously and violently awaken the human heart, for indeed time is short, and the battle is not just about to start, it has been going on since the beginning of time and to think I stressed over what to wear today. Many of us have not even chosen a weapon to storm the frontlines and set captives free.  We've worried ourselves to the brink of hysteria about not saving enough for that limited edition thing on sale, which party to go to,  the 2 pounds we put on, whose presence to avoid, he/she not texting back, missing that certain TV episode, or staying single till the end of time...yet those who suffer around us continue to do so.  When will we rid ourselves of the shallow pursuits that hold us back?

"The radical element in testimony and life that once made Christians hated by the world  is missing from present-day evangelicalism.  Christians were once revolutionists--moral, not political--but we have lost our revolutionary character.  It is no longer either dangerous or costly to be Christian.  Grace has become not free, but cheap.  We are busy these days proving to the world that they can have all the benefits of the Gospel without any inconvenience to their customary way of life.  It's 'all this and heaven, too'. "

God's plans and purposes for the heart of his church ought to rise above the plans for our own lives, when I say church, it isn't just the organizations of people that gather weekly in buildings, it's His people, believers who need to rise up and the church-to-be are non-believers, adults, teens and children who are so in need of being rescued in love and told what it means to know God personally, that it's cool to know God because He knows everything that's cool about you that you don't.

"It has been the unanimous testimony of the greatest Christian souls that the nearer they drew to God the more acute became their consciousness of sin and their sense of personal unworthiness.  The purest souls never knew how pure they were and the greatests saints never guessed that they were great.  The very thought that they were good or great would have been rejected by them as a temptation of the devil."

"We must return to New Testament Christianity, not in creed only but in complete manner of life as well.  Separation, obedience, humility, simplicity, gravity, self-control, modesty, cross-bearing: These all must again be made a living part  of the total Christian concept and be carried out in everyday conduct.  We must cleanse the temple of the hucksters and the money changers and come fully under the authority of our risen Lord once more.  And this applies to this writer as well as to everyone who names the name of Jesus.  Then we can pray with confidence and expect true revival to follow."

It's funny actually, we used to worry about being fed to lions or being burned at the stake, now we sometimes feel we might kill ourselves if someone caught a glimpse of who we are in Christ, or happened to read our blog about God and smacked that "freak" label right on there.  Courage out of stock? A.W. Tozer attempts to supply us with his words of wisdom :)

On my third day without a single piece of food, my detox apple juice fast draws closer to its end.  With prayer and fasting, God has proven to me that man does not live on bread alone.  The initial reason for my detox fast was, I'll admit,  not for the usual "fasting and prayer" and not to lose weight (one cannot lose a considerable amount of weight in just 3 days) but for a semi-annual cleansing of my physical temple. 

One thing though, I did something extremely stupid this morning.  I got so excited upon finding out the condo bldg I stay in has a pool pala, so this morning, in spite of my ongoing fast, I went for a swim.  After returning to my room before freshening up for work, I thought I was going to throw up or faint.  I got scolded by mom, no exercise while fasting! Hehehe, I just couldn't resist the pool.  Thank God I prayed that I wouldn't collapse, drank more juice and was suddenly ok, and now here I am at work telling the story.

Today, the 3rd day, my body screamed, a bellyache ensued followed by a cold sweat, the hunger was overpowering me, I had to clutch at something.  I drank more juice then I just had to pray.  The pain passed.  Oh.  So this is what fasting and prayer does.  It somewhat strips you of contentment in your belly and clears your head.  Your spirit has to step up and depend on God for strength and talk with Him more intimately for much needed revelation or comfort.   It can also draw out some of the heart issues that you wished would just stay in the drawer.  I was moved to tears during some moments of prayer in the last few days.

A few months ago my mom managed to do it, surviving 3 days with only apple juice inside and prayer.  My plan is right after this is over...my stomach has a chance to change its food preference, once more.  Tomorrow, with a little soup to start I'm on my way to having a much stronger temple to do work for His glory.

By the way I know I owe a picture of my neat room in Laguna, I forgot, another month went by already??? So fast.  Hehe, the rooms still the same.  Picture next week :)

Search and Know - Gary Valenciano

I stop and think for just a while
Wondering if Hed see me
Would He think that Im worthwhile?
Cause now I feel so far away
But I believe, yes I believe

His eyes I know they watch me close
My every move He knows before its even done
And even though I may be wrong
He changes me and cleanses me

Oh God search and know my heart
Longing to be near You, Ive tried but cant get past the start
Oh God wont You show me how?
Lay Your hands upon me and lead me in the Way Everlasting

I know how much Ive hurt You so
By doing things I know would go against Your heart
But now Ive come to see myself
With You in me so patiently

Oh God search and know my heart
Longing to be near You, Ive tried but cant get past the start
Oh God wont You show me how?
Lay Your hands upon me and lead me in the Way Everlasting

I have never left you on your own, My Precious One
Hold on, the time is near Im coming soon
To take You home with Me

Oh God search and know my heart
Longing to be near You, Ive tried but cant get past the start
Oh God wont You show me how?
Lay Your hands upon me and lead me [lead me] oh lead me [lead me] lead me there

[Oh God search and know]

From Time Magazine, issue March 17.  Video interview:

http://link.brightcove.com/services/link/bcpid1214055407/bclid1342094282/bctid1446813083 

TIME.com - http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1720092,00.html

After vowing to never again write about Lestat, this best seller reveals she has one more vampire novel in her.  Her newest book is Christ the Lord:  The Road to Cana.

Q: Do you ever plan to write additional books for the Vampire Chronicles series?

Anne: "When I published my first book about the Lord, I said I would never write about those characters again.  But I have one more book that I would like to write.  It will concern the vampire Lestat, but it will be written in a redemption framework, where he is wrestling with the existence of God.  I don't see it as a violation of my promise, because I won't be writing about vampires in the old way." 

Q: How did you evolve from writing about vampires to writing about the life of Jesus?

Anne: "It was a personal conversion.  After 38 years of being an atheist, faith came back to me.  I had to stop writing about vampires, because they had been a metaphor for lost souls.  Instead, I made up my mind to concentrate on Jesus Christ."

Q: What caused your conversion back to Christianity? 

Anne: "Americans like to believe we turn to religion because of an accident or the loss of a loved one, but in my case it was simply the culmination of searching.  I wrestled with a lot of theological questions, and then one afternoon, I thought, I love You -- I want to go back to You." 

Q: What's your idea of the afterflife?

Anne: "I don't think we can imagine what it is like to be fully united with God in his kingdom, but we can have great expectation and hope.  I don't think it is a little angel with a harp sitting on a cloud or the barren afterlife we see in so many films.  I think it is a rich and wonderful place." 

Q: Do you believe in vampires? 

Anne: "Not at all.  For me, supernatural characters were a way to talk about life and reality  -- vampires are the perfect metaphor for the lost soul.  I am always surprised when some very young reader writes to me and asks if they are real."

If He were in front of me, in a white Tshirt and jeans ^v^ what would I say? I'd probably fall into His arms, shed some tears, and sing, and change Snow Patrol's words a bit...